The Half Century Mark

I never thought I'd live to be... 30, much less 50. But these five decades on planet earth have been amazing, fulfilling, challenging, frustrating and humbling.

They have taught me so much.

The most important lesson I've learned is that memories and milestones are not built around what you do, but with those you love. Close relationships have made the most significant impact on my life thus far. So since today is my birthday, I am taking the liberty of being a tad self-indulgent and raving about some of my friends.



The Fat-4, missing Wendy very much at our reunion.

My closest companions, dubbed "The Fat-5," have been lifelong friends for 30 years or more. Our claim to fame (and initiation ritual) was that each one of us could comsume a box of Bugles in under 5 minutes. The deep  relationships we formed in high school and university, enabled us to walk with each other through most of the major decisions in life: career choice, marriage partner, belief system & worldview. We challenged one another and if it wasn't for their input in my life, I wouldn't be the delightful person I am today :) 

Not many people would have had the audacity to tell me to get a hair cut and then give me the money for it as a Christmas gift. I guess the fact that I hadn't cut my hair (other than trims) since I was about 8 had something to do with it. When I did go, there were immediate benefits as the 2 1/2 feet that got chopped off caused me to loose  5 pounds instantaneously.

One of my best birthdays ever was my 21st when I was kidnapped by Lynn & Wendy. The big surprise was a Door's revival band at a local club. Jim Morrison may have been dead, but this band brought him to life again. It was also the first (and last) time I tried a B-52 (not the bomber, and no, I didn't get bombed).

Though I have known most of my friends for decades, a miracle happened in the last few years. I realize that the older we get, the more difficult it is to make really close friendships - the kind where you can trust that person to speak into your life. So the last five years has blown me away.



jill rocks

First there was jill. She got my email address from an on-line story I had written about chronic fatigue syndrome. Her symptoms were so similar to mine, she wanted to ask me some questions. Soon our letters veered away from health concerns to family, faith, and fun. Jill's sense of humor and her quick wit was always evident. The problem was, her friends didn't think I existed, and couldn't understand why she wasn't more cautious about someone she had just met on the Internet. I could be a "creeper' or serial killer...
She called me her invisible friend and decided we should take a BIG step, and talk to each other by phone. In our first free-flowing conversation, there was no awkwardness - we chatted like old friends and at the end jill said, "That was just how I imagined it would be."

When I was feeling down she would put on her Dr. Seuss hat and either write me hilarious letters or send me bizarre gifts. One was a Cat in the Hat that has been driving me crazy ever since he arrived. But soon it was time for a real test of our friendship - meeting each other face to face!


The E-Pen pal gals.



Jill was afraid that the magical "inside-each-others-head" relationship we had would be crushed when we butted up against each other in the flesh. I was the one who cajoled and encouraged, sure that it could only get better.

In September of 2010, Jill and her husband Mark, flew to Calgary for a whirlwind four days that saw us drive to Waterton Lakes, take the heart-stopping Going-To-The-Sun-Road in Montana, get rained on in Lake Louise and enjoy the fabulous atmosphere of Banff.

Jill made us special shirts that created a stir whereever we went. Mark took after Peter and tried to get to close to a large waterfall while standing on slippery rocks. No one actually saw it happen, but his wet, clingy clothes, dripping camera and water-filled cell phone told the whole story. Luckily part of this long weekend was about revival too. Nice to see Mark's camera come back to life.

For me it was a unique experience, to have corresponded with someone for years, always wondering if this friendship would still remain if you spent time with each other's warts...





The end result was that our relationship has become more alive than ever. Mark is such a good sport and a much needed calming influence. It was only four days...but the memories will last a lifetime.

Now I can hardly wait until we take over Chicago!

The other two friendships materialized out of thin air and have developed into life-transforming relationships. Curiouser and curiouser then, that these two happened on the same day.



The window to Heidi's soul  - her love for life is always reflected in her eyes.

Who would have thought that a chance lecture at a high school teacher's journalism class could have so profoundly impacted me. I mean, it was only 90 minutes. The teacher, Mr. Diakow, was someone I had never met before. He was relaxed, easy-going and had a neat way of talking to these teens. After I did my thing, I asked the students to break into groups of two and do a practise interview with each other. There happened to be an odd number of students, so one of the girls approached me and said, "I'll interview you." That was Heidi and my life hasn't been the same since. Her exuberance, the way she wraps her arms around the world, her way with words and depth of faith has woken me up from my slumber. Then there are her dances - either barefoot or fingers feeling Tchaikovsky's emotion on the piano keys. Because of her, I take the time to treasure every moment of life, and make sure I kiss the stars goodnight. She has inspired me, but I'm so thankful she hasn't licked my face yet...I know, it's coming.

It's the strangest experience to feel like you've met someone before, when you know you haven't. When Todd Diakow gave me a lift after the class, we talked like old friends. He told me more about Heidi, that she was already 90 pages into her first novel, and had a 40-year-old maturity about her even though she was a teen. I would find those words to be very true.

Then Todd told me he was also working on a novel. He was in the process of revising it for a publisher and asked if I would like to look at the first four chapters. What could I say? "Sure!" My gosh, it's been amazing to see where that simple reply has taken us.




Methodius is always connected and ready to go, anywhere, anytime.

 

I soon found out his real name was Methodius (why he would want to hide behind "Todd" was beyond me). As I began reading through his manuscript I realized he was a talented writer as well as a teacher, and that was only the beginning...

Then he began to encourage me to fulfil my dream of writing fiction. I had despaired of it ever happening. Though I'm still unconvinced I can finish the book, I am about four chapters closer to my goal than I ever was before. Methodius has blown air under my tired wings and pushed me around in my 'manic-editing wheelchair' for quite awhile. He deserves better. Any normal person would have gone beyond exasperation and strangled me (although he prefers I bake him a dozen cookies for each deadline I miss). He has patience I will never comprehend. He makes me believe in my dreams. He has heard me rant and rave without judgement. God has told me he is a gift. I have never doubted this.



The inspiration, care, humor and encourgement all three of these friends have shown me in the last few years has been totally unexpected and unparalleled.

And it makes me wonder, what amazing things will occur in the next half Century...







On A Roll: Toilet Paper Through the Ages

I love it! I can't imagine life without it. I can't get enough! It's so versatile, so creative. I thank God daily for Joseph Gayetty, the American credited with inventing modern, commercially available toilet paper.

Gayetty's Medicated Paper was first introduced in 1857 and sold in packages of flat sheets, watermarked with his name on them. He must have been hoping his popularity would 'rub off' on the rest of humanity. It seems, it has since the average American now uses 50 pounds of toilet paper a year.

But America had nothing on the Chinese when it came to personal hygene in the privy. The first documented use of toilet paper dates back to early medieval China (6th century AD) where a scholar wrote, "Paper on which there are quotations or commentaries...or the names of sages, I dare not use for toilet purposes." Quite the discerning intellectual.

Later, in 891 AD, a Muslim traveler to China wrote, "They (the Chinese) are not careful about cleanliness, and they do not wash themselves with water after they have done their necessities; but they only wipe themselves with paper." Ah, and the rest of the world eventually followed suit.

But before toilet paper became a worldwide commodity, different cultures used a variety of methods to clean themselves before they emerged from 'the water closet.'



Nara period wooden toilet paper.

The Japanese used wooden toilet paper during the Nara period (710-784). The wealthy would wipe themselves with wool, lace or hemp, while those of moderate means would use grass, leaves, sand, moss, rocks, snow and/or water depending on the country and climate.

When I was a young girl, out on an overnight camping trip, I had the opportunity to use of some of these materials. We were "roughing it" and so leaves and ferns seemed to be the best option. Unfortunately, one of my close friends had not yet learned to distinguish between various plant species. The poison ivy she chose was a painful lesson in plant identification.

 Now we cannot discuss toilet paper without looking at one of the greatest philosphical contentions in the modern era - the "Over/Under Debate."

The wrong way.

 
Now the way toilet paper is rolled, has caused considerable consternation (thankfully not constipation) in our household. My husband says the toilet paper should hang under the roll. This is apparently the RIGHT way. So my feeble arguments that it is more aesthetically pleasing (and easier to use) if the toilet paper hangs over the roll is, unfortunately, wrong. But as I use the facilities more than hubby, the paper is often positioned incorrectly.


The RIGHT way!


But after 20 years of marriage Peter and I have come up with our own solution rather than changing the toilet paper roll everytime we use the biffy. Instead, I will deliberately place the toilet paper the RIGHT way, on occassion, to show my love for my spouse. This he notices! I guess actions do (sometimes) speak louder than words...




So, 'bare all,' and tell me which way do you roll the toilet paper in your household?

Bats in the Belfry

Some people find writing fiction as easy as pie. But for others, myself included, it's like pulling teeth. Consistent, day-to-day writing is my Achilles heel as overzealous editing makes me feel like I'm chewing nails and spitting tacks. Sometimes I drive myself so crazy I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached.

It's a winning combination to have writing partners who crack the whip in my face now and then. Although I do think both Methodius and Heidi can be all talk and no action when it comes to threatening me with deadlines - at least they've never made me swim with the sharks.

Heidi is a really sweet deal but Methodius is as sly as a fox and sometimes slicker than snot on a door knob. But I know they'll both stick with me and my writing quirks come hell or high water. They just want to help me see the Big Picture and not get my knickers in a knot.

Besides, you can't learn to swim without getting in the water! Hopefully I'll soon be clucking and bucking with the other hens.

Before you think I have bats in the belfry, count up the cliches and give me your best shot. Don't wait for the ink to dry - if you snooze, you lose. But if lady luck shines on you, you'll get bragging rights and your just desserts. (I make a mean banana bread).

DID YOU KNOW...?

I want to go on a fact-finding mission every month. I'll be sharing the results with you to increase your knowledge and broaden the scope of the world around you. Some of these statistics make me embarrassed to be part of the human race. Others are almost unbelievable.

So where do we spend our time? energy? money? And how we in North America fare compared to other people in the world. After this, you will know...

• America is the unhappiest nation on earth, with more mental disorders per capita than any other country. Nigeria is considered the happiest.

• People spend over 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook.
• The fee charged by a psychologist for the on-line treatment of Internet addiction - $1.50 per minute.

• The number of box cutters taken from U.S. airline passengers since 2002 is over 105,000.
• The estimated number of deaths in Haiti's earthquake: 250,000. The number of children who die each month from malnutrition and disease: 200,000.
• In an average day, a four-year-old will ask 437 questions.
• one child dies from AIDS every minute.

• Each year more humans are killed by cows than sharks.

• In 2006 the Alaska zoo built the world's first 'elephant' treadmill to help their lone elephant, Maggie (9,120 pounds), lose some weight. She refused to use the contraption. An Iditarod racer is now using it to train his dogs.
• Close to 300,000 books are published each year in North America.
• 75 million children worldwide do not attend school.
• Most spiders are very near-sighted.

• The sloth is the world's slowest mammal, so sednetary that algae grows on its furry coat.

• Penguins don't have knees, drink salt water and can swim about 15 miles per hour. The name, penguin, is derived from the Welsh terms 'pen' which means head and 'gwyn' - white. There are approximately 100 million penguins in the world.
• A snail can sleep for three years.

So, any interesting facts you want to share with me?

Time Travel

Ever tried it? It's a blast! I've been traveling into the past lately...my past. Wish I could go back with a tape recorder or camcorder for the detailed accuracy I want, but I'm still working on my technique.

I first realized this out-of-the-world potential as a young girl, when I read The Time Machine by H.G. Wells. It still amazes me that he wrote this book in 1895 and is widely credited for popularizing the notion of time travel in general. The term "time machine" was coined by Wells himself and is now universally used to refer to a machine that allows a person to pick any time and any place, ever, for their trip. Although it wouldn't be my choice to go to 802,701 A.D. (I mean, how did Wells come up with that?) Although the time traveller in this novel made it back, on his second trip he never returned. Fair warning - time travel can be dangerous...

It didn't take long before I became fascinated with the stars and orbs in the night sky. As I read A Princess of Mars, I gazed at the Red Planet night after night, longingly, willing myself to be transported there. John Carter was able to travel through space and live for years on Mars, while time on earth changed hardly at all. (Remember Einstein's theory of relativity had yet to be written when this book was published.) Here was the first instance of time travel where you 'couldn't take it with you.' Carter arrived on Mars bereft of clothes. Not that it was a real problem, mind you, as nobody wore much of anything there. Did I mention how desperately I wanted to get to that planet?

As I entered my teens I gained a new traveling companion. His name was Ray Bradbury and he and I still take long afternoon walks together, slowly sipping tea as he spins yarn after yarn. He can knit a story together like no other. He transported me to Mars but also created an alternate reality on Earth that changed my perspective on common events - like crowds at accidents, or the use of a scythe, or even how a new pair of runners can be transformational. Bradbury taught me that the faster you ride on carousels backwards the younger you become. Effectively, this type of time travel, provides eternal youth. But this too can prove deadly, as his protagonist found out. Besides, I'm not sure if I would want to live my life over and over again...even though that's exactly what I am doing with my current time travel efforts.

And that is what Henry was destined to do in The Time Traveler's Wife. A common trend in the books I've mentioned, is that time travelers find unconventional love interests on other worlds or in far-flung ages. But in The Time Traveler's Wife, love is what it's all about. Henry has a genetic disease - Chrono Displacement - that causes him to involuntarily travel through time. Since his destinations are linked with his subconscious, he almost always finds himself in his own past or future. Henry begins time traveling at the age of five. Once he meets his future wife, Clare, he finds himself visiting her when she was a child. He (in his early 40s) forms an deep friendship with her as a young girl and lets it slip that they will be married in the future. This creates interesting 'time lines' as the novel opens when they meet for the first time in real time. Here Clare is 20 and Henry is 28. Since he has only met her when he is older, she is a complete stranger to him, but Clare has known him all her life.

Confused? Not surprised! Time travel does that to a person. The author tells the story through alternating first-person perspectives that make it intriguing. Though this novel has been classified as science fiction, Niffenegger (take a pseudonym please!) uses time travel to explore communication, distance and loss in relationships. Unfortunately, the science element is sadly lacking.

Now Einstein's theory of relativity does allow for potential time travel into the future. But many people in the scientific community believe that backwards time travel is highly unlikely. Any theory which would allow that to happen would require that problems of causality also be resolved. Meaning that your very presence in the past would change it and thus change the future.

Ray Bradbury dealt with this so well in his story, A Sound of Thunder. Here a man travelling back in time happened to leave the "path" and stepped on a butterfly. When they returned to their own time, the results were staggering.

Maybe William Shatner can help me figure all this out when he comes to the Calgary Comic Expo this June. After all, he's discussed the science of time travel on his Wierd or What? TV series. And as Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, Shatner & Leonard Nimoy as Spock, hurled (a matter of force not vomit) themselves back to the 1930s Depression era in America. In The City on the Edge of Forever, hailed by many Trekkies as one of the series' best episodes, Kirk and Spock go back in time to find that a cordrazine-crazed Bones (DeForest Kelley) has somehow managed to alter the effects of World War II. (Don't bother googling it - cordrazine hasn't been invented yet, even though it was also used on Mission Impossible.  But there is an Aussie band by that name, not surprisingly.)
If anyone from another planet visited earth and watched TV, they would know we love to time travel. And I haven't even started in on LOST or gotten my TARDIS fired up.

When I asked Peter where he'd like to go, he immediately said to Israel, 2000 years ago. He has traveled to this country twice in the past few years, but to follow Jesus around (with microphone and camera, of course) is too much for him to pass up. But then he mentioned it might be even cooler to go back to the time just after the Earth's creation, before Adam ate any apples. Peter imagined snapping shots of a perfect earth when Adam would suddenly say, "Hey, here comes God for a walk in the Garden. Don't worry, you won't need to use your flash."

So, are you ready to go Back to the Future? Or take a flight into the past? If you decided to start travelling in time, where would you most like to go?

All You Need is LOVE!

“To improve is to change. To be perfect is to have changed a lot.”         ~ Winston Churchill.

"All you need is love, love,
Love is all you need!" - Paul M. & John L.

Both The Beatles and Churchill are right! And both are Brits...hmmm.

I remember the amazing feeling of falling in love with Peter. Our late night talks. Frisbee in the park. Singing in the car. Cuddling on the couch. Valentines Day surprises. Meeting each others families. We wanted to spend all our time together.

One evening, after enjoying Chicken Almondine at our favorite Kensington restaurant, two elderly ladies called out to us as we were leaving. Our coats had been totally forgotten. I dreamily came back to pick them up and overheard one lady saying to the other, "Don't mind them dear, they're in love!"

I was in a 'love bubble' for months and even though I had CFS at the time and it was still undiagnosed, the fear was just not there. But those bubbles don't last forever (unfortunately). And perfect love is something found in God alone. The Bible says, "There is no fear in love, perfect love cast out fear." So how can I come to understand the depth of this so it totally changes me?

Enter Wendy. We've been friends since we were 10 (almost 40 years now). Even though we live over 2000 km apart, there is a bond between us that compresses this distance. One of our traditions is to share 'personal goals' on New Year's Day. As I was telling Wendy about my desire to understand God's love better this year, I reminded her of our Sunday School days at Clearbrook M.B. When we were about 12 years old, we had a scripture memory challenge that showed our true competitive natures. Amazingly, both Wendy and I memorized the same number of verses (50) and won cross necklaces (I still have mine). I thought it might be a great idea to get our aging minds in shape again and threw down the gauntlet. She immediately picked it up. So, 50 verses on love (we each pick 25), memorizing one a week (with two weeks off).

Now I recognize this discipline is important and am reminded of Bruce Lee who said, "As you think, so shall you become." But this is seriously tough. As I've been working on the first verse this week, I realize I have acquired a new dysfunction - MFB (Mush For Brains). I haven't attempted anything like this since university when I spent hours memorizing my biology texts.

So I'm going to soak myself in perfect love for a year and see if any of it permeates my thick skin.

"The greatest science in the world; in heaven and on earth; is love." ~ Mother Teresa

Fear vs Faith

“The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul” ~ G.K. Chesterton

…or at least some drastic changes to this old soul are in order for me in 2011.

Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? So much so that it insidiously becomes a shadowy presence beneath your waking, breathing everyday life?

It felt like fear flew out of an azure blue sky and sunk it’s talons deep into my mind and body over two decades ago. It has not let go. Even though I have fought it hard.

Have you ever had your life change overnight? Like a runaway train slam into you? I never knew it was possible until it happened to me.

I was an energetic, enthusiastic 25-year-old who was thriving in my university film & television courses, enjoying my jobs in two campus libraries and loving my church involvement. Things were opening up for me – jobs in the Vancouver film industry, fabulous friendships, new spiritual insights. Life was exciting!

In a day I went from full tilt to flat in bed. I literally didn’t know what hit me. I went from getting far too little sleep, to being unable to lift my head off the pillow. I loved my film work and was willing to take on any project no matter how rushed my schedule was ― now I could barely walk to the bathroom, dizziness, nausea and a skyrocketing heart rate forcing me to stumble back to bed soaked in sweat.

What happened? A car accident would be understandable. A case of the Ebola virus could at least be diagnosed. But day after day, my energy seeped invisibly out of every pore in my body. Fear quickly filled its placen. When lights and sounds overwhelmed me, panic attacks hit. When doctors found the beginnings of MS and paralysis, wave after wave of fear coursed through my body.

Six years and 40 doctors later, I finally got some answers. A very severe case of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). I was bed ridden for years. There was no understanding of the disease in the mid to late 1980s, no cure, no idea what to do. But the panic attacks that accompanied my weakened state had already taught me how fear could devastate my body. And it did. Over and over again.

You can read a detailed version of my story here: http://www.lifetoolsforwomen.com/w/livingwithCFS.htm

So much more is known and understood now and I have an exceptional doctor here in Calgary. I am doing much better, most days. But as I recently tried to update my personal story, the fear returned.

When Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” he already understood this well. He not only entered politics during the depths of the Great Depression, he did it paralyzed from the waist down due to Guillain-Barré syndrome.

Fearing fear itself is the worst kind of terror. So what could be the cure?

I don’t give in easily. My motto echoes Bruce Cockburn’s lyrics, “kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight,” so I fought back. Though I denied fear’s hold on me, it returned, digging in deeper. When I pushed it to the sidelines, it never failed to flaunt it’s presence in my face.  I even battled it with stubbornness, pushing myself beyond my physical limits ― just to have it thumb it’s nose at me as I lay crashed in bed. Drugs dull the knife edge and allow me to imagine those talons loosening their grip, but this only lasts a few hours. And I will not succumb to addiction.

What can release the grip of fear on my life? What had I not tried?

Over Christmas I had the privilege of hearing my niece speak at a church service. She and her husband are involved with YWAM and just back from Australia with their 16-month old son. She told the congregation how fear had gripped her when her newborn son was found to have a serious heart problem. She could not hold him or comfort him the way she wanted to. He underwent surgery before he was two weeks old. It was terrifying and she had nightmares for months. She lost her trust in God to protect him and it affected everything. As she talked about her journey ― what helped her trust again and relinquish her fears, I realized I needed to re-think this area of my life as well. It was time to pick up the sword again.

It took me until New Year’s Day to realize that sword was love. Can love cast out fear?

I’ll be back on Thursday with my plan for this year and my story of a lifelong friend that can take love the distance. This friendship may just be the determining factor in helping me face this hurdle and go the distance.